Dr. Wayne Dyer

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Self Importance, standing your ground - is it the ego?

nan58

03-10-2004 10:30:25

Hi everyone
I was listening to Dr. Dyer CD on Intentions. He states "Let go of self importance - it's you're ego at work."
hmmm
This generated some confusion for me. I have always had a problem with thinking of myself as "less than" i.e. inferiority complex. It's is absolutely essential for me to root that demon out because (as you may have experienced yourself) I have continually attractyed people who exploit and abuse me - reflect back at me what I think of myself. Well recently this almost cost me my life - literally. I HAVE TO CHANGE - to me that meant getting a sense of sel importance.

I equate self esteem as meaning a sense of self importance. I listen To Carolyn Myss and she describes it as your fundamental power. Nothing else matters without it.


THE NEED TO BE RIGHT? Sometime someone's ego may interpret a person standing up for themselves as a person that needs to be right - sometimes it may be a way to get back some of the self esteem you left behind - ie. a declaration "I matter here too".

I personnaly believe that what makes the difference and plays a role in determining outcome is whether a necessary healthy ego or an unruly, untamed ego is motivating your actions.

So for me, I need a healthy ego - a healthy sense of self in the outer world and inner world. Something I never had before I can progress to higher realms.

than

11-12-2004 20:29:48

I think that one's ego can sometimes be self defeating, however, ego, pride, self esteem may seem synonamous with each other and the latter ones of that list are really acceptable.
a person needs a sense of self worth and pride to allow them to stand up for themselves.
therefore ego may indeed have a good side but this is an opinion and others can talk about what they believe

Ron

19-12-2004 09:48:45

Nan wrote " ...I have always had a problem with thinking of myself as "less than" i.e. inferiority complex...I have continually attracted people who exploit and abuse me - reflect back at me what I think of myself...I HAVE TO CHANGE - to me that meant getting a sense of self importance.

Response Change is good, and coming to a place where you finally realize that you must change is even better. It is your first step in a new beginning for you. Be cautious as you dwell on "self-importance." This is ego-talk and could very well lead into another "blind-alley" perhaps where you will feel extremely alone.

Nan wrote "I equate self esteem as meaning a sense of self importance. I listen To Carolyn Myss and she describes it as your fundamental power. Nothing else matters without it."

Response Perhaps the power Myss talks about is the power of who you are within, not who you think you as this body you see. This body is a reflection of the thoughts you hold about how you perceive yourself. It is not real. Your reality is within you.

Nan wrote THE NEED TO BE RIGHT? Sometime someone's ego may interpret a person standing up for themselves as a person that needs to be right - sometimes it may be a way to get back some of the self esteem you left behind - ie. a declaration "I matter here too".

Response Dyer has mentioned many times in his books about right and wrong - would you rather have peace than be right? Why is this? Because right and wrong are just judgments we make - they mean nothing - just an opinion. If you say "I matter here too" you may feel inadequate, less than, or even that old "low-self-esteem."

Nan wrote I personnaly believe that what makes the difference and plays a role in determining outcome is whether a necessary healthy ego or an unruly, untamed ego is motivating your actions. So for me, I need a healthy ego - a healthy sense of self in the outer world and inner world. Something I never had before I can progress to higher realms."

Response Ego is simply ego - neither healthy or sick - but it is you! Is ego your body? No. Is it your mind? Not totally. Ego is but a loveless thought we hold in this world of illusion, of fears. Ego knows absoultely nothing about love and offers us fear in love's place. What you think you see in your "outer world" is from the thoughts you hold in your mind. Change your thoughts and your view changes accordingly. Now, about what you might try with ego - try talking to it as a lost, frightened child - try offering it love from within you - unconditional love, no strings attached love - and chances are it will be quiet for you. And remember, you are the ego you are offering love to.

Namaste - Ron

gentlegiant

21-12-2004 20:25:54

I have always had a problem with thinking of myself as "less than" i.e. inferiority complex. It's is absolutely essential for me to root that demon out because (as you may have experienced yourself) I have continually attracted people who exploit and abuse me - reflect back at me what I think of myself...

So for me, I need a healthy ego - a healthy sense of self in the outer world and inner world. Something I never had, before I can progress to higher realms.

Most of us have been taught from an early age that we are not worthy...the old born in sin routine, and it absolutely leads to self esteem issues, being a victim (see being a victim in this forum at http://wayne-dyer.inspiresyou.com/viewtopic.php?t=612), etc.

WD says we ought to have an ego-ectomy. I have read elsewhere on this forum "I buried my ego alive. Good riddance".

I agree with you that a healthy ego is important. I have written elsewhere on this forum regarding ego “While it is true that ego thinks a bit highly of itself (as WD puts it, as a drop of the ocean thinks it is the entire ocean, or as a flame of the sun thinks it is the sun), it is still a part of the perfect you that has been co-created by you and your Source, and deserves the honor of being thought of as magnificent, as is the rest of you...body, mind, and Soul. It just needs to realize that it is but the smallest part of you, which you can allow it to be by giving it no thought, nor enabling it when it tries to grow beyond what it is by influencing your thoughts. When that happens, don't give it, or the thoughts, a second thought. Move to a happy, joyous thought.” http://wayne-dyer.inspiresyou.com/viewtopic.php?t=395&highlight=

As with everything, if we think of ego negatively, it will show up as negative for us, as it must, according to the Law of Attraction. If we honor it with acceptance, thankfulness, and love, it will be positive for us.

Our ego allows us to be individuations of God, different from any other individuation of God. It is this diversity for which the Universe yearns, for it is ever creating, ever evolving, and needs ever growing diversity for this to occur. Conformity is the antithesis of creation and results in sameness that stifles creation and evolution. Without ego, there could be no self awareness. Of course the ego, without check, sees itself as better rather than different, as separate rather than part of the whole, which also destroys rather than creates. As always, balance is key.

Namaste

Psyche

27-12-2004 11:26:17

(((((Hello All!))))) D

Nan58~
I came here seeking input to the questions you yourself are asking. In my quest to quiet my ego, I tend to slip on over into becomming (or fearing to become) a doormat. Unfortunatley, my spiritual, as well as familial upbringing has only fostered this stance (in being a doormat). It's an ugly place to be.

But I had a thought as I read through these posts, and it is the thought of healthy boundaries. I have found that healthy boundaries in life are essential to remaining emotionally healthy yourself. I grew up with few, or no boundaries myself and am slowly learning how to put them in place now.

I work from the inside out. I ask myself questions what is truly...deep down truly okay with me? what sorts of actions directed at me am I willing to embrace, and what actions directed my way am I willing to say 'no thank you' to? The questions are wonderfully endless and represent the choices you really do have in life.

One of my personal rules to live by, is that I also abide by the boundaries that I set for myself. I respect me, I love me, I don't victimize me. What I embrace from the world outside of me, I also embrace from the world INSIDE of me. I have found this too to be very important in keeping the whole thing balanced.

The message I get from Dr. Dyer in his words about staying away from low energy people or situations, has to do with these personal boundaries. I don't think Dr. Dyer means for all of us to go from being open and receptive, to being open wounds harmed by all.

Yes, a personal boundary is a limit in a limitless universe, but I think it goes along with respecting one's self and protecting one's self. Really, if you think about it, as you Intend the right people into your life, and the right situations into your life, you really won't need so many personal boundaries after a while. Right now, I am at the beginning of this journey, which honestly, often feels like I am trying to climb out of a deep hole. But I see me in the near future not having to protect myself like I feel I need to now (my life is still overrun by low energy people, though that is quickly changing).

Or...another way to look at it, is to remember that a higher vibrational energy, will always nullify the lower energy. AND, when we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change. Having your basic personal boundaries in place (in my humble opinion), is part of one's foundation....just like cells are, breathing is, and so on. I see it as just a necessary part, not something I generally project into the world. I don't project breathing into the world, but I do it anyway. Am I making any sense at all? lolol!

I suppose this is about as clear as mud lolol! D

I just reread through this and have one last thing to add what if the fear of being a doormat, is just a sneaky ego tatic to keep a person from moving forward on this path? If I am focussed on something other than where I want to go (cocreating my life with Intention), then me actually putting my intentions into practise will be delayed due to this new fear AND, my ego will be fed once again by my renewed attention to it? Gheese....egos are sneaky sneaky sneaky. !

celia

14-05-2005 20:43:47

Lolo- That makes absolutely perfect sense to me. It is just what I needed to hear, thank you.
Setting boundaries with low energy folks is tricky if you can't then let it go. You can get sucked down into that energy. I am learning to set boundaries and then feel whatever I feel with acceptance, but not dwell in replaying it over again. It is becoming easier each time I have to do it. These people give me plenty of chances to practice this...

Celia