Dr. Wayne Dyer

Dr. Wayne Dyer Fan Discussion Board
-By Fans, For Fans-

When Will I *Be Loved?*

chris knight

03-11-2004 11:03:55

I was chatting privately with another WD board member and I was sharing with her that I am able to love others only because I love myself.

Curious Do you think it is possible to love others without first loving yourself? In other words, is that an *absolute* requirement before a person can love another?

Have you told anyone today that you love them?

Have you told yourself that you love & accept yourself?

For those who have studied ACIM (A Course In Miracles), I'm curious what lessons it has to offer on this topic of "LOVE"?

Anyone care to share your perspective of any lesson about love that you've learned from reading Dyer's books?

milzzer

03-11-2004 11:37:12

While I believe you can love someone if you don't love yourself - it most likely won't be a healthy relationship. It won't be lasting. You have to love yourself and not expect that the other person will fill that void inside you.
In liking yourself you will have so much more to offer them!

Ron

03-11-2004 12:29:43

"Do you think it is possible to love others without first loving yourself? In other words, is that an *absolute* requirement before a person can love another? "

Simply stated, you cannot "give" to another that which you do not feel for yourself first. You cannot give another love without first loving yourself - and the love mentioned here is unconditional love - no strings attached love. Can you love yourself just as you are right now and not have that love contingent on anything?

"Have you told anyone today that you love them?"

Again, it all begins with you - have you told yourself you love yourself? Your words are meaningless unless you believe them about you first.

"Have you told yourself that you love & accept yourself?"

Pretty much answered this already - but a lot of people have a very difficult time with loving themselves. As you look into a mirror, and you see the reflection there of who you believe you are, can you honestly and sincerely say that you love you - just as you are - with the thoughts you are holding - with the anticipations you are experiencing? Can you look into the reflection and look deep within what you think you see, and tell that image you love - without conditions of any kind? Can you feel deep within you a response - an awakening when you finally get through the ego stuff to the truth of who you are?

Dyer writes pretty much what the Course says - Love is what you are - It is what God is - It is all that exists in your world - all else is illusion. And giving and receiving mean the same in the Course. To give another Love, you also recieve Love, but in order to give Love, you must be aware of Love's Presence within you. This is the unconditional Love that God has for you - not the love you think you have for another because of some attraction to them.

Namaste - Ron

Jeff Bogue

03-11-2004 13:02:15

Love is absolutely the most potent force in the Universe. I came from a family where the mindset of 'The beatings will continue until morale improves' mentality prevailed. Out of this highly violent, abusive life I went into the Army, ending up as a helicopter attack pilot (AH-1G 'Cobra') in Vietnam...for two tours of duty. Back from this I became concerned about my level of sanity and began a long search for meaning and control in my life. I devoured psychology books...Viktor Frankl became a guide, as did Norman Vincent Peale. This process continues to this day; however, by 1986 I had began to see significant changes in my world...in my thinking. Now, I stand in public places consciously correcting myself in judgements of others, passing out smiles and pleasant conversation to uplift others. The power I have achieved with this has completely changed my life. It was in 1992, following the murder of my 4 year old daughter, Amanda, that this process accellerated. As I stood over her grave, following the funeral, I was pondering the issue of a tombstone...of the inscription, when it came to me that such things are for the living...Amanda was clearly not in that place. It was not much further of a jump in those thoughtful moments to arrive at the realization that if I wanted to offer up words for my precious daughter it would be best served to dynamically step out in the direction of expanding the depth and understanding of Love in my life - through more aggressive application. My "epitath" to this wonderful child became the energy to propel me well forward, into the implementation of the 'power of intention' in my life.
Now, I have a Russian family that have become a big part of my life, for the last seven years. I have watched this Mother and her two sons grow to understand the concepts of our society and to become American citizens themselves. Early on in this process of their assimilation into our culture, my companion Valentina would say things like "Lenin was a genius...a prodegy."...While now she has come to love the words of Thomas Jefferson, Henry David Thoreau and Ralph Waldo Emerson, long forgetting the memories of Lenin. "Where can I continue to grow the power of intention and Love?". I ask myself; and, I find the answer in getting some of the wonderful books and CD's Wayne has produced and getting them translated into Russian. In Russia we have a climate that desperatly needs to understand the power of our thinking and how this interfaces the universal power of intention; yet, I can find no translations of these various works in the Russian language. It was Wayne Dyer and Deepak Chopra's books and CD's that came into my life following Amanda's death. I cannot say enough about how significant of an effect these concepts had on me during those trying times. For these concepts to be unavailable to Russian-speaking people is a grave error. As we all grow in Love we must grow with the understanding that our world is a singular community that has been confused to believe in seperateness. In order to prepare Humanity for the next step we need integrate our thinking across the barriers of ego, borders, idealogy and tongues. I sincerly hope my vision of Russian translations of positive-thinking works, such as Wayne's, will become reality.

Anonymous

03-11-2004 13:06:32

To be fully happy within yourself, you must love yourself. If you don't your problems and discord will follow you through everything you do. It is something that must be learned and reinforced daily, after all we are our own worst enemy...

Anonymous

03-11-2004 13:32:44

I "Believe" that yes, you do have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. Although you can still love someone, only as much as you you know how. If you have never loved yourself, then how do you know what love is? It all begins withyou! You are your first love. It is what it is. If you are loved as a child, and shown how to love yourself by your parents, when a child is ready for relationships, it should come natural to be able to love others. If you are never shown it, alot of people just skate through the rest of thier life and fool not only thierselves, but the ones who think that they love them. Don't do it, search out who you truly are and live a happy more meaningful life!

gjpad

03-11-2004 13:49:27

You cannot give unless you have it. The only way you can convince yourself that you have is by giving away. The only way we can know, for sure, that we love ourselves, we understand ourselves, we appreciate ourselves is by projecting it on to others. Therefore, it is an absolute requirement that we should have appreciation and love of ourselves before we can love others. What we see in others is only a reflection of the perception of what we are.
It is not important whether you tell someone you love him/her; it is how you feel about that person. If you tell you love without genuinely feeling it inside, it is hypocrisy. If you feel love and though you do not have an opportunity to verbally express it, you still feel empowered and enriched.

Leila

03-11-2004 23:26:56

[
HELLO CHRIS, AND ALL MEMBERS, (((((((((((HUGS TO ALL)))))))))))

FIRST I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE, I THINK YOU ARE AWESOME CHRIS, TO SHARE IN THE WAY THAT YOU DO. IT SEEMS WHENEVER THERE IS "UNUSUAL DAY" I AM SURPRISED BY AN EMAIL, FROM INSPIRESYOU.COM. THANK YOU CHRIS, FOR YOUR LOVE AND CARING.

THE REASON I AM WRITING AS A REPLY TO YOUR QUESTION ABOUT LOVE. THIS IS ONLY MY BELIEF, BUT I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHAT OTHERS FEEL ABOUT THIS COMMENT.

I FEEL YOU CANNOT SEND LOVE, IF YOU DO NOT SEE THROUGH LOVE.....IF YOU COULD SENSE THE CALMNESS, THE JOY, THE PEACE THAT LOVE BRINGS, YOU WOULDNT HESITATE TO SHARE THAT FEELING, AT ALL. LOVE IS NOT MEANT TO BE WRAPPED WITHIN SELF....WITH LOVE AUTOMATICALLY COMES SHARING, JOY, BLISS, ETC......EACH INDIVIDUAL HAS A WORD OF THEIR OWN, WHEN THEY FEEL THE LOVE THAT NEEDS TO BE EXPRESSED.

IN THE SAME RESPECT, I DONT BELIEVE A PERSON, SELFISH IN HIS OR HER OWN BELIEF SYSTEM, CAN PHANTOM, THE EXUBERANT (SP) FEELING OF PEACEFUL, SOULFUL LOVE.

IM SORRY BUT I WISH I HAD THE SCIENTIFIC EXPLANATION FOR THIS, BUT ALL I KNOW THAT LOVE IS SOOOOOOOOO POWERFUL, THAT IT CAN ACTUALLY, WHEN EXHIBITED OVER A NEGATIVE SITUATION, CAN "CALM THE WATERS"...I WISH I COULD REMEMBER THE TITLE OF THIS BOOK I READ APX 10YRS AGO, FROM THE MIDDLE EAST CULTURE, IT EXPLAINS THE "POWER OF LOVE", IF ANYONE IS AWARE OF THE BOOK I AM REFERING TO PLEASE LET ME KNOW.

SO WITH THAT....I WISH ALL OF YOU TO STAY WITH LOVE AND PEACE, AND CHRIS, MANY MANY BLESSING FOR YOU....YOU ARE AMAZINGLY AWESOME .... LOVE ALWAYS...LEILA

Anonymous

04-11-2004 07:43:50

You cannot give away that which you do not have. You might think you love someone else but that so called love is always tainted and is usually more an expression of the need for love and the belief that other person can fill that emptiness inside of you. Thus the expectations put on the other person in this so called love relationship is immense and cannot be fulfilled.
You absolutely must love yourself and feel comfortable in your own skin with who you are before you can pass that love on to anybody else. It then becomes easy to love and accept others as they are for who they are and not for what they can do for you.

Eykis

04-11-2004 16:06:30

The COURSE can be summed up very simply Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God.

What that means is this

1. Love is real. It's an eternal creation and nothing can
destroy it.
2. Anything that isn't love is an illusion.
3. Remember this, and you'll be at peace.

Anonymous

05-11-2004 13:40:51

I have read all of the comments about the subject of love.
I found a little bit of myself in every one of them.

I just think its cool that this wonderful gift that was given to us can be explained in so many ways. There is no best answer, no worst.

It just is what it is. Unconditional.

Hey...... I love you.

chris knight

05-11-2004 13:46:16

It just is what it is. Unconditional.

Hey...... I love you.

Maybe we could create a new word ?

Instead of "Namaste," we could say

"NaLOVEste"

Which would mean, "The love I have for myself honors the love you have for yourself."

What do you think?

Ron

06-11-2004 13:44:34

Okay, but no cigar! NaLoveSte says to me a negative vibe - Na - usually associated with no - so I am reading this as NoLove and then add on a phonetic "stay" I am reading "No Love Stay" - of course, I may be taking this to extremes. Namaste means so many things to so many different people - we even have a topic for it. It means the God in me sees the God in you or in this case - the Love in me sees the Love in you or a multitude of other meanings to many people. In the book "Discover the Power with You" by Eric Butterworth, he uses the phrase "Namaskar" which he says literally means "I salute the divinity in you."

Now all of this doesn't mean you can't use this word, afterall, you are the "boss." D

Namaste - Ron

majelmarly

07-11-2004 18:31:12

Love is maybe the most complicated kind of relationship in the Universe.

To love and honor the divine within ouselves is essential... When we "Namaste" someone else, we honor and recognize the divine within the other person. Even if the other person doesn't recognize the divine part of herself, we can salute that part in that person...

I entirely agree with Chris Knight that we must first love ourselves before being able of being in love with anybody else. Also, being in love is only a kind of love, and sometimes a very limited one...

But as those things can be said simply in very few words, they are very uneasy to live and request at least some experiences and sufferings (sufferings as in undergoings things of life...)

SHEFREE

12-11-2005 01:42:45

THANK YOU FOR ONCE AGAIN BRINGING THE WORD LOVE INTO THE FORUM. IT IS IN ALL AND AROUND ALL OF US AND YET WE MISS IT SO OFTEN. IT IS HOW THE WORLD WAS CREATED AND DEFINETLY HOW WE CAME INTO EXISTENCE. IT IS ALL POWERFUL AND LIBERATING. THE BEST WAY I KNOW HOW TO DEFINE LOVE IS IN THE HOLY BIBLE 1 CORINTHIANS CHAPTER 13. IT IS AWESOME. DR DYER REFERS TO THE BIBLE SO OFTEN AND THIS I APPRECIATE. I ALSO BELIEVE THE COURSE IN MIRACLES IS ALL ABOUT LOVE AND IS PARALLEL WITH THE BIBLE IN MANY WAYS. THANK YOU AND NALOVESTE.
SHEFREE