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Stephane on -- To judge or not to judge... --

chris knight

01-10-2004 06:21:28

Stephane's blog had an entry this past week on "judgement"

"Judgements prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances." ~ Wayne Dyer

Source http://bestinspiration.com/blog/2004/09/to-judge-or-not-to-judge.html

Any comments? Click on POST REPLY to share your thoughts.

Ron

07-10-2004 18:06:17

"Judgements prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances." ~ Wayne Dyer

What is my judgment of you? It is my personal perception of how I see you according to how I want to see you. The judgment has nothing to do with you, but everything to do with me. My judgment of you blinds me from seeing in you what is in me. We are not these bodies we look upon. We are so much more but we have to look beyond the body to see; we have to look within. As I see you, I also see me. This alone will help me in judging you.

Namaste - Ron

StephenM

09-10-2004 08:35:14

The issue of "Judgement" has become quite prevalent in my journey these days. I am seeing more and more clearly that my judgements of others and of situations as I am in them create negative energy.

Perhaps the line Dr. Dyer has written (which I paraphrasing here) has set my on a better path, a non-judgemental path, is the following

"In the end, it's never about you and them (those you judged to have "harmed" you). It's always about you and God.

I think of my work relationships; a co-worker does something I don't like, such as slack off while the rest of us are busting our humps to get our jobs done. This slacker gets paid the same day we do, yet she (in my judgemental opinion) doesn't deserve to be paid.

As I surrender my judgemental mind, I am realizing life-changing things that bring me a greater sense of peace. To use the above-mentioned circumstance as an example

- I realize that I am envious of that person because she is doing what she wants to do--leave work on time, leave her work problems behind...which I haven't, couldn't before.

- I realize that I can't change this person--it's not my place, both professionally and personally. So why would I spend needless negative energy thinking/growing angry at something I can't change?

- I realize that I've wanted and needed for too long to let go of my job when I leave it at night (the way she seems so easily able to do). And that I regret losing out on my personal life because of my long work hours and stress.

- So this person to whom I originally "judged" critically was really, in Dr. Dyer's words, a "teacher" to me, a soulmate, helping me to go inward, to let go of judgement, and to shift myself into high energy, transcending past pain, ongoing hurt, and to live the life I want to do what I love, and love what I do.

Ron

13-10-2004 18:58:03

Great post - thanks for the many thoughts. If we judge anyone or anything, it is a negative thought! And judgment is never about them, you are so right, it is always about you! I am not sure where God would fit in here? If you look at others as a mirror of yourself, how you see them is how you see yourself, and that could include subconsciously. Judgement at any time is face of fear - only love and fear exist in your world, and judgment is certainly not love.

Now if you see a co-worker as a slacker, guess what? You see yourself as one also! And you are so right in seeing yourself as jealous - also a fear. And you are also so right that you could not change another no matter how hard you tried. And all the trying is wasted energy - wasted time - and just a smoke-screen to keep you occupied with fears so that you don't discover the greatness that is within you. And you are a good learner and now have taken on the role of teacher. Thank you.

Namaste - Ron

StephenM

16-10-2004 09:39:34

Ron (and everyone else),

Thanks for reading and replying to my post! To continue the thread and to reply back to a quote of Dr. Dyer's I used (which I think you referenced as a question mark), I believe the quote I paraphrased, "In the end it's never about you and them. It's always about you and God" comes from There's a Spiritual Solution... My interpretation of this quote, and my context for my post is this If I am judging someone, or condemning someone as I have done with my "slacker" co-worker, the truth of this judgement in my head is, as you've suggested, really a reflection of my own self, a judgement of my own path and place--and not on the person in question (and in my example it was my co-worker). Psychologists call this "transference" when used in the context of manifesting disdain for someone who is doing something I don't "agree" or "like."

So my take of Dr. Dyer's belief of" in the end, it's never about you and them...it's really about you and God" is that the true source of my turmoil, my imbalance is not because of the other person, but because I've looked away from God, I've refused to let the God in me shin, I've refused to excude love and instead shined the dark, empty glow of fear, or anger, or hatred--which is really my own condemnation of myself. All the great struggles in my life have been, in reflection, struggles with myself--not with other people, although at the time I've believed that to be contrary. (I'm working now on being in Stage 2, "The Middle Ground," which Dyer talks about in "You'll See It When You Believe It," in that while the event or situation is occuring, I am conscious of the benefit that the temporary pain or discomfort is providing, instead of in hindsight, or Stage 3. Soon, maybe today!, I'll be at Stage 3 of "Pure Synchronicity."

Thanks again for the reply and for all who have read this post.

Stephen

KentuckyRose

18-10-2004 18:41:35

"You can find on the outside only what you possess on the inside."

~ Adolfo Montiel Ballesteros

Anonymous

24-10-2004 18:05:03

"No matter how great your words may be, you will be judged by your actions." *unknown*

Anonymous

03-05-2005 10:48:20

Hi everyone. I think what I need to share does deal with judgment. Perhaps some of you have some thoughts to share. Here goes I have spent 41 years in a very tumultuous relationship with my sister (42 years). Here is the "dance" we do.....when she is unhappy/annoyed/feeling threatened, she goes into a rage. I become fearful and withdraw emotionally. My withdrawing angers her and she becomes more pushy, more angry, more inconsiderate, ruder and even more incompassionate. I, in turn, withdraw more from her, etc., etc. We both say mean things to each other. We create this situation over and over.

Although we are sisters, we are so different. Not only because of our different personalities, but our interests, our values, life philosophies, nd spiritual beliefs are so different. EVERYTHING is so different. We would never be friends if we were not sisters.

I realized today that maybe we become so frustrated with each other because we have tried over and over again to force a friendship. It may last for a certain length of time (as long as I am being passive and compliant to what she wants), but when I assert myself or try to discuss something with her that has been weighing heavy on my heart in regards to the two of us, the $*!* hits the fan. She freaks out.

I have been torn for 41 years between trying to be okay with the way she treats me/letting it go, and at the same time wanting to honor myself and have self-respect. I think it's okay for us to not be friends. I felt such a relief today when I realized that I am free to choose this. I am no longer a prisoner of my parents' house. I have my own family now and being sisters does not obligate me AT ALL to this person who has been emotionally abusive.

I don't think that everything I feel about her is really how I feel about me, (i.e. she is rude so that means I am rude) but rather I believe what I once read Louise Haye say We draw into our life people who treat us how we believe we deserve to be treated. She and I were the perfect dysfunctional pair she the loud, aggressive, agitating abuser (like my Dad) and me being the passive, compliant and soft-spoken victim (like my Mother).

I had a real feeling of victory and joy when I decided today to stop pressuring myself to make this relationship work. (Sounds silly, but that has deep roots in childhood -- wanting to win the love of my older sister, have her approve of me, wanting to please everyone so that nobody is angry at me, etc. )

Anyway, just wanted to share this. I guess it has to do with letting go of my judgments about me; i.e. not judging me if I don't make my sister happy, not judging me for putting my self respect and peace of mind first.

Have a great day,
Debbie