Forgive me if I am not doing this the correct way meaning - this question or this forum or this post.
But I am struggling with the most basic of human emotions - a heart break. I am listening to Dr. Dyers tape for the first time - Power of Intentions - so I am trying to understand him the best I can..... BUT if anyone has some advice, suggestions on how to heal from emotional pain ie sadness, anger etc I would greatly appreciate it. I know Dr. Dyer sas don't stay stuck in the lower level energy ie jelousy, depression, anger - but I am having a very, very hard time between my intellectual state and my emotional state. I can't seem to get the two to be in sync together!!! ANYONE help me please
Hey there. Well not sure if this is you first break-up or not but it is the first breakup with intention in your life. I was going threw a really defficult time in my life were nothing was right and it seemed like everyone was against me. My husband was the one who crossed Dr Wayne Dyer. Well ever since then I begin to realize you really can't take anything in your life seriously!! You need to focus on what you want in life not with this partner but for you. You were meant to have that special person in your life for the exact amount of time he/she was there. I know it probably hurts because you do remember all the good things that you both did and had together but you need to have a different look on life. You are wanting to be depressed and angry so you are going to keep creating and creating. You feeding a fire but why??? Maybe this partner was put in your life for a purpose that only you know. What did you learn from this relationship? You need to focus on just living your life. This person was meant to show you something. Life does provide you with lessons not pain.
I think a lot of heart break happens when you feel disconnected. That is, you enjoy someone's company, and suddenly one day, he or she does or says something to disappoint you, and you're jolted and heart break and depression comes on, making you feel all alone in the world. Sometimes we can't see that we have well wishers all around us. I think Wayne once said that if we see the world is full of good people, then good people and good things will come to us. If we see it full of bad people, only bad will result. That really helped me.
My own current heart break is that my wife is away in Spain, studying, and won't be back until January. I miss her so. There have been some days, say like I'm sweeping in the kitchen, and I just start weeping. But I get through it. I just allowed myself to cry a bit, thinking in the back of my head that I'm ultimately strong and will get through it.
Another thing I like about Wayne is his focus on Intention, and that he consciously "wants to feel good." On his answering machine, he says, "I'm Wayne Dyer and I want to feel good." Feeling good, he equates to feeling God. So personally, when I get up I mentally think to myself, "I want to feel good. It's my birthright to feel good." And I take a shower, I get started with my day. I intend that I'm going to be positive and productive. In my mind, I seek out people to talk to with the intention of teaching them something (in a spontaneous way) and learning something from them as well.
In the business world they call this "networking" in a sense. Spiritually I think we have to network. Get out in the world, be around people, see how we can help them — with smiles, kind words, our listening, and so on.
Tonight a fellow came up to me in the coffee shop. We simply chatted a bit about how he had just gotten glasses this week and how he's getting used to them. I told him a story about my own glasses in return. It was something very simple, but I could tell there was something deeper going on, that maybe he was in need of a friend at that moment.
I try to show as much warmth as possible to everyone. And I won't lie, I look for it for myself too. Sometimes I'm disappointed, but because I'm constantly looking, I'm fine tuning my vision and find warmth in the tiniest places.
I hope this finds you well.
Being with the pain - with the emotion - seeing it for what it is - is necessary before you can heal, and even then, you may still have a scar from your wound. Every relationship is a learning relationship - we learn from each other, and often times, when the lesson is over, so is the relationship. But here is the kicker - be sure you can see what it is you were to learn from the first relationship before entering another, or the pattern repeats. But for now, just be with what you are feeling - the loss, your grief, anger, betrayal, jeaolousy - whatever comes to your mind - just see it and allow it to move on. See them all as for what they are - illusions of fear that are meant to keep you agitated. This is why you need time to process this - and then suddenly you will know that you are over this time in your life - that you feel like moving on. But don't move on until you feel like your heart has mended. And the ego part of you will be hitting you hard during these times, but your spiritual side is there for you to ask advice on how to get through this period - so ask and listen and follow what is made known to you.
Namaste - Ron
Thanks to all who posted. This has been an extremly tough lesson for me to learn ( and still am learning from it).
Ron - it helped what you said about feeling your feelings. I thought and was trying so hard not to be sad, angry and frustrated because I wanted to be "above all that". But like it or not I cry and do get sad. Maybe the thing is, that it is okay to have/feel these things & process them - just as long as you don't stay there so long that it turns into something even less desirable?
It was a huge loss and very unexpected so it must be somewhat normal to have these kinds of feelings come up?? I don't want to be the repeater person - I really, really do want to be on some sort of different level - still confused on getting there but I guess there's always Rule #6 o
Thanks again everybody who wrote back!!
Just thought of this as I read your reply and prior posting. But by chance I suspect you are male - and like most males - was taught that men don't cry. This is the biggest lie we can ever tell ourselves in this world we make. Men have just as much feelings as women and yet feel so frustrated in letting their feelings be known. Often times they use addictive behaviors as an outlet, which does nothing for them. In my life, I have had many, many experiences to cry - and crying is the most cleansing experience I have ever had. It literally cleans your soul. So please, whether, male or female, cry - cry and let the tears flow until there are no more tears. Then look at your heartbreak and notice how it is mending.
Namaste - Ron
The pain of heartbreak is intense and your post moved me to reach out to you in this way. While I am not here to "fix" anything or even "help" you, I can and do love you.
This pain, the result of betrayal or the ending of what once seemed a happiness that would last forever, is a gift to you. It is not new and this experience has served to put you in touch with something that was already there., bringing to light what was hidden in your shadow.
The feelings are where your power truly lies. Forget the mind for a moment, the ego is at least an idiot and at worst a monster, BE in your body and feel those feelings. The weeping of your precious tears will serve as part of your healing.
Try to bring everything into your heart and allow the energy of this part of you to expand around the experience. It may hurt but if you can allow those feelings to be present within you, you are healing. Use this experience for your growth. This piercing will serve to help you grow.
Feel your feelings and love yourself remembering that you ARE loved and you are not alone. This too will pass and the perfection of the universe will become clear to you as you remember the magnificent being you truly are.
With love and my arms around you hugging you
Thank you again for the post(s).
Actually I am a female. Crying has always been a huge outlet for me and as much that I know crying is okay (God made tears for a reason) I wonder is that staying too much in the negative if I have been crying for a couple of months now??
I tell the Universe that I know that IT knows what its doing much more than I - so I try to trust. Also listen and do the things that Dr. Dyer suggests.
But again I do appreciate all the thoughts here. It really does help to know I am not alone!!
I agree with what Ron was saying...stay with your feelings...I have had difficulty with this because sometimes we can get so caught up in the spiritual side of things...that we forget we still are having a human experience and feelings guide us through the experience...Try to imagine a child coming to you hurt because of a loss..you wouldnt tell the child "oh, stop it , or you shouldnt feel this way..." you would be there for the child and give the child a hug...this is what you need to do for yourself in this time...be there for yourself the same way....this will help speed up the healing process. Atleast this has been my experience
sending you a big hug,
You wrote "Crying has always been a huge outlet for me and as much that I know crying is okay (God made tears for a reason) I wonder is that staying too much in the negative if I have been crying for a couple of months now?? "
Allow yourself to cry until the wells dry up! See the tears carry from you all the negative thoughts you have ever held. If you did not cry, you feel such pain for fighting it, so allow the tears to flow and flow and flow. God did not make tears, you did. You made the tears so that you could rid yourself of feelings you would hold back. Only the real you - the you within you - knows when you will need to cry no more. So just allow yourself to do what you feel like doing, and don't ask questions, just accept the answers.
Namaste - Ron
Thanx Ron. Someone before had told me it is okay to cry but just dont' get stuck there. Don't get stuck in the pain, fear etc. So the confuion was/is - not that there is a timeline for crying but does it ever cross the line of letting things get out of your system vs. crying/ holding on and therefore staying stuck.
My intellect says enough already!! I am physically, emotionally, mentally exhausted from this "obsession" because it IS a daily thought, sadness, cry. I intend to feel good, I intend to feel great but all my tears lately have been due to sadness, fear etc.
I guess I am just very confused - this way of re-training my mind and conditions is so new to me. It doesn't feel or seem quite natural just yet!!
You wrote "this way of re-training my mind and conditions is so new to me. It doesn't feel or seem quite natural just yet!! "
In the Course we call this "unlearning" - what we call "natural" is what we believe in thus far - now we are beginning to question those beliefs, so it appears as un-natural. Your ego does not want you to change what you worked at so long to believe in. You may discover that what you believe in is nothing more than lies you told yourself about who you are and what you are. ) Relax in the newness - allow the experience of unconditional love to flow through you - and most of all - allow yourself to express yourself - and if it be tears - then let them flow as well.
Namaste - Ron
In complete agreement with those wise words Ron. And want to say this. The ego will do wahtever is needed to uphold the "idea" of seperation even to the point of death. As we awaken to the truth of who we are, there is a realization within the ego's puny domain that "it" is the only thing that is going to die. Like a spoilt and greedy child who is no longer allowed to "be in control", tantrums follow.
Being present in the body is to be, and feeling that beingness. To watch the ways in which thoughts go and ego projects is possible in the stillness and silence. Be still and be silent and therein much is revealed.
The tears may be from pain and suffering long ago, and this circumstance has helped to put you in touch with those feelings. Releasing them and recognising where you may have projected that part of yourself on to another, WILL contribute to your wholeness.
The "judas" is often the one whose actions pierce us deeply enough to fulfill our destiny and can also be the aspect of ourselves that we have kept hidden in our shadow.
Love yourself warts and all, through pain and suffering we grow, as we cease outward projections and egoistic "blame" we can more easily accept the truth about ourselves.
You are a magnificent being Justme, as we all are. You are always loved, always supported and never ever alone.
Love and hugs
What a wonderful uplifting experience this thread has been. Most days I feel as if I don't have the time to read through the forums and just allow myself to be guided by the click of the cursor.
So glad that it brought me here. ((((BIG HUG)))))) Hazel
I truely feel blessed to have such wisdom come my way. Thanks to both Ron & Thello. Both of you are so insightful and encouraging. The unconditional love part is so foreign to me (as probably to many also?).
I grew up where things were VERY conditional. This will be a bit tougher for me to practice - this self-love- but I INTEND to keep on - keeping on so to speak ?
Also I read in Dr. Dyers book "Spiritual Solution" he had a quote in there -"Sorrow or suffering is all in the mind"? Something in that regards - that concept I JUST REALLY, REALLY DO NOT understand!! But maybe I am perceiving it incorrectly?? I can say in my intellect - don't suffer, don't hurt (which I do) but then the next minute I am crying my eyes out. Ohhhh this is still so confusing but I will practice relaxing and being still wink
Thank you again - you guys are awesome!!!!!!!!
Lady Di 111
Reading this thread over the past week has been a healing balm for me. The words of comfort some of you have given to Just Me I needed to hear. Permission to let the tears flow, to heal in my own time. The hugs you gave to her came to me. The arms enfolding her enfolded me. Thank you all.
Justme has been speaking to me as well and so have you Lisa. You have described my situation. In my process I need to grieve until the well runs dry. You asked "Is it wrong to pray for him to return to me?" I don't believe there is a right or wrong way to do anything. It is all a journey. For me, if I am resentful or bitter in the least, I focus my prayers on praying that all good things come his way, that everything that I could want for myself be given to him, I pray for his happiness, his health, peace of mind, etc. , even that he have a happy relationship with someone. I do this no matter how I feel and no matter how much it hurts to get those words out. After a week or so I find that the resentment dissapates and I really come to mean it and believe it for this person. I use all the tricks of the trade. One of my favorites is from Marianne Williamsons "Return To Love" . Repeating the mantra over and over for however long it takes - "I forgive you (name) and I release you to the Holy Spirit." It is amazing. My boyfriend abandoned me 3 weeks ago and I have been using this prayer and mantra non-stop every day for 3 weeks. I talked to him today and now he wants me back. I didn't pray to get him back, I focused on forgiving him, releasing him and intending all good things for him. Now I am not sure if I want him back. I keep seeing Wayne Dyers word from his book "Power of Intention" flashing in my mind about treating EVERYTHING - obstacles, hurdles etc as an opportunity to move towards purpose. I can view this situation as an opportunity or an open door to something else. I can forgive and go back or I can forgive and take another path. At any rate I have choices now as opposed to 3 weeks ago when I felt somewhat whiplashed.
You also said "My friends say the problem is in him, not me." Indeed, when the man left me, it was not about me, it was his own issues. But I need to look at how I contributed, how and why I created the situation and what I need to learn from it. Ignorance was bliss. In my good old days I could just blame HIM for everything. Now I have information and knowledge I didn't have before. I have to take responsibility for my life.
Lisa I hope some of this made sense. Know that you are not alone on this journey. Know that YOU have helped me tonight as my heart was heavy after speaking with my boyfriend and being faced with this choice of returning to work on the relationship or choosing another door. It was your questions that inspired me to talk and share and now I feel better, even if no one else benifits.
Thanks Just Me for sharing your heart. Sending you some love to help with your "self-love". Keep practicing!
In my process I need to grieve until the well runs dry.
I had read this quote this past week and your post reminded me of it
"The tears move through us, wash us clean, and create the space for something new." - Shakti Gawain
Shakti had written a book called, Reflections in the Light... that I've read on and off for the past 10 years. It's similar to the Reflections on Wisdom of the Ages.
What a wonderful subject for the once that have gone, or are going through IT and need some loving support.
I guess we have all gone through the emotions, feelings of loss, pain, disbelief - IT being the end of the world.....*Heartbroken*. I am going through it as well at this very moment in time and find crying to be some kind of *release* too. I have been told by this man I love that my tears are Ego based, needy and that I *focus* on the "wrong" thing. I do not believe in wrong or right, as to me it is all a matter of intention.
I have cried for days on and off. Stayed indoors (some days I still do) and just wanted to be with myself. I know that in the end there still will be the *loss*, but somehow after the tears, I feel the healing and that in return gives me Strength. You see, we all have our way to get through these things and
I try to trust the Universe - trust that what happens is all for my Higher good. That makes it all a little easier for me.
Ron - I must say, that I do like what you have written. There are some beautiful responses on here.
Trinity wrote "I have been told by this man I love that my tears are Ego based, needy and that I *focus* on the "wrong" thing. I do not believe in wrong or right, as to me it is all a matter of intention."
Here is a thought for you to ponder right here! Your lesson in what you wrote above may be as simple as no one can tell you what you feel or why you feel it. No one can tell you that something is right or wrong. No one can do anything to you unless you allow it at some level of your mind. Sure, some tears may be ego based if you want to look at them that way - tears of fear, of anger, of sorrow, etc. But - and I emphasize the "but" tears carry with them a lot of emotions we have stored up within us. They will carry a great deal more than what we might admit. This man probably did not like you crying either, right? You feel whatever you want to feel at this moment - and then look at the source of the tears and see if you can see that situation differently - you see, as Dyer tells you - all of it is within our mind - and we alone have the power to change that - by thinking another thought to replace the one that is giving us sorrow.
And there is no loss unless you believe you had something to begin with, which you did not. You were in a relationship - 50% of it was you. You did not have this relationship, but you were in it - and now you are out of it. Sounds almost too simple but is it not so?
Like any wound we get, cleansing of it is first before it can heal. Crying is your cleanse. As you cry and I encourage you to do so until you are done - but while you are crying, look closely at why you are crying. This may sound strange but it just may shed some light on your darkness. You may think you are crying because of this relationship, but perhaps there are some other things that you have not cried about from your past and here they are - wanting to be let go also. And the crying is about letting go. Pain is often from our fists being so clenched that they physically hurt us - open up your fist and open your heart and let the ache, pain, sorrow, hurt, guilt, blame, shame, fears of all kinds flow - and then you will be able to receive the Love that is flowing to you. Make room in your heart for the Love.
Do a bit more than "trying to trust the Universe" - know within you that only good is intended for you - only happiness is yours. You mention, I think, in an earlier post about unconditional Love and how you were not familiar with it because of your childhood. What you are experiencing right now may go that far back, so look deep. Unconditional love is the Love God has for you - God sees you perfect as you were created - flawless in every and each detail. Try loving yourself as God loves you - unconditionally - no strings attached - okay as you are and where you are.
Namaste - Ron
Like the saying, "It is better to have lived your life feeling something - anything -than to go through life feeling nothing." It's not that you get down. Everyone does. The difference between those who go on to succeed and those who don't is made by those who get back up and try again. "Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it is simply to get up and try again tomorrow." )
First of all, forget about trying again tomorrow - why look over the now? I recently came across the 3 P's that are used in 12 step programs 1) Perfection, 2) Procrastination, and 3) Paralysis. If we try to be perfect always, we will begin to procrastinate because we will see we cannot be perfect. Then as we procrastinate, we become paralyzed in what we are trying to put off. We all go through this life we make feeling something - it is what we do as ego's - react with feelings! What we feel, however, is a choice we make - consciously or unconsciously. And yes we all fall down at some point. The difference is some of us get up right away and keep moving, while others will lay there wondering who did this to them.
Namaste - Ron
Wow. I know this thread is almost two years old, but the love I feel in reading this just makes me want to respond.
And I wonder how justme is doing?
I'm right now having to break up with someone I thought was "the one". The wise words here are helping me tremendously.
Thank you Universe!!