I was reading a former post about someone with a colon problem whom wanted to "end it". I found the support they recieved to be inspiring. I have found myself in similar situations at times where I thought the pain was too much; instead of a viewing it as a process. Although, I, myself have not experienced a physical disease, I believe my sensitivity towards those around me and my reliance on others opinions of my character is, in many,ways, a hinderance on my personal well-being and path. I must say, however, I do not wish to be a human being who does not care about how my character, behavior, language, and action effects those whom I come in contact with. Since childhood I have been what I consider to be mindful. I consider myself to be of modearate intelligence. I don't NEED someone to tell me my process of thinking is wrong, I know it is in the sense that it has prevented my personal growth because the time and attention I have spend on it. I am just at a loss for tools to change it. I "allow" what others think to manipulate the way I feel about myself. If I fell well-liked and accepted, I feel that wholly, if there is any doubt I feel that entirely and tend to dwell for days on end. I know I am a good person, I don't hurt people with intention, I try to treat others the way I wish to be treated, but any negative or even ambivelant response to my character will send me into a tail-spin for days on end. I am only 24 and understand that I am still developing my person. Sometimes I just want to quit because it feels so overwhelming, difficult, and endless. I don't consider ending my life, in the physical sense, because I care deeply for the people in it and know that I would hurt and change them in ways I would never intend to. However, I feel like my unsettled, unhappy self is a secret I have from them, to protect them of the burden that is me. Sometimes I just want to dissapear so I don't hurt anyone by feeling so messed up. I just wanted to send my thoughts into this safe void. Get them out without negative reprucussion. Thank you.