Dr. Wayne Dyer

Dr. Wayne Dyer Fan Discussion Board
-By Fans, For Fans-

Heartache and a real stumbling block

shanti

25-10-2006 05:43:11

i wondered if anyone could shed any light on my situation as I feel I have hit a real stumbling block. I met and fell in love with the most wonderful man about 18 months ago. We were deeply in love, and moved in together very quickly. Neither of us had felt such a connection and love for another person before, but the relationship had its bad times because of the baggage that i felt I had brought into the relationship. As a result he left me just over two months ago, and we both feel as though our worlds have fallen apart. ALthough he says that he still loves me, he feels as though we aren't meant to be together. Since the breakup I have discovered Wayne's writings and undergone a renewal of my spiritual faith. As such I have profoundly realised that if I could have let go of the anxieties and worries that were informed by my previous relationships then we wouldn't be in the situation we now find ourselves in. my stumbling block? that i discovered all this too late... how can I get over the regret I feel that I couldn't have been the way I now want to live and live, when I was with him? I feel as though it is stopping me from moving forward. I want to be able to communicate this to him, but nothing whatsoever has an effect. He has shut himself down from me completely.

windsbo

25-10-2006 10:23:00

Is it possible that the relationship's purpose was to teach you what you needed to change in your life? Once the lesson was learned, there was no further need for the relationship? Now that you've made those changes, it may be that it's time for you to move on to other rewarding relationships.

shanti

25-10-2006 10:40:23

I completely agree, but i guess what i am struggling with is the knowledge that I ruined a relationship with a man who loved me an enormous amount, and the frustration that I now possess skills in order to trya nd make a relationship like that work. i missed my chance!
I know it's something i should jsut let go of, but for some reason I am finding the regret very difficult

windsbo

25-10-2006 10:59:55

Okay, well maybe the problem is that you are focusing on the loss and the role you played in making it happen. If this man really loved you, could you try to focus on how you would feel if you still had him in your life? Is it possible that by focusing on what you lost, you are pushing the possibility of him coming back into your life further away? That Law of Attraction thing?

ixa

27-10-2006 14:21:35

I am sorry you are feeling this way. It is so very different when you look at a situation from the outside. If you have discovered that you want to be on a spiritual path, how can this breakup be bad? If it had not been for the breakup, you would not have found the teachings which you say you want to follow. So, my advise to you is to accept this last relationship for what is was, a step to help you find yourself, and now concentrate on making yourself happy while you are alone. Many of us are under the impression that we must have a significant other to be happy. The truth is, there is NO ONE that can make you happy. It is up to you to discover your happiness. Once you are happy by yourself, then you will discover the ease of happy relationships. And who knows, maybe you'll meet up with the same man later and everything will be different. Begin by accepting that everything that has happened to you is a good experience which will lead you to a place of peace and acceptance. Good luck to you and remember you are a perfect expression of God.

soulseeker

18-11-2006 03:16:30

I am suffering so much from the heartache of a relationship that just ended, and I identify so much with what you are saying. It lasted 19 months. There was emotional betrayal, and I am shocked and devastated. I'm unemployed, unfocused, desperate. I have no spiritual grounding. I am lonely, my friends have all moved away. This man kept me anchored. My family is tiny and toxic. It was a long-distance relationship but we talked on the phone for hours every day and the plan was to be together, but it all collapsed. Like the OP (original poster) I did a lot of damage to the relationship because of my negative emotions and scarring from the past, and I do see what I did wrong and want to make it right. I'm not young, and feel that this relationship was my last chance to "get it right". My life and thoughts are in chaos right now and sometimes I think I'm losing my mind. An online friend told me that the book and tape by Dr. Dyer has turned her life around completely. She says that meditation is the answer. I'm so glad I found this forum because I think these tools are exactly what I need. I have real self-esteem issues and I know I'm generating negative vibrations right now. I have a huge fear of abandonment and that is exactly what has happened. The idea of being addicted to pain sounds so repugnant to me, but I think that's exactly what the problem is. The hardest thing right now is to stop myself from obsessing about him, emailing him, calling him, reading all the old emails that are full of pain. I'm going to use some of the wisdom I'm getting from here and heal myself because I don't want to go on medication.