Dr. Wayne Dyer

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Resistence to Contemplating Your Intention?

chris knight

16-06-2004 10:28:57

If it were this simple, what are some of reasons we naturally resist consistently contemplating what we want for our life?

Is this about self-esteem? Is Confidence to blame? Is it just about bad patterns of behavior that don't support us?

Your thoughts?

Ron

16-06-2004 13:44:43

What are some of the reasons we resist contemplating what we want for our life? Simple! Fear! Fear of success - fear of unworthiness - fear of being lovable - fear of letting go of the baggage we carry around from a past that never was. In order to manifest our destiny - in order to push my intentions to their completion - in order to have all that is mine - in order for all this, I have to let go of my old beliefs of being separate from God and realizing the truth of who and what I am that lies within me. In truth, I have already all that is. In truth, I have no needs, no wants and no desires.

And self-esteem (what the ego thinks of me) and confidence (what the ego thinks I can do) and bad patterns (patterns I have learned and believe in)are all factors in the pursuit of my intentions. All things to let go of - to drop along my path and allow love to flow into the spaces left vacant. But isn't resistance all about the choices we make, made and are contemplating to make? Choices that we alone are responsible for?

Namaste - Ron

breiss1981

28-06-2004 17:14:06

When you are constantly being met with people acting negatively, is it better to not deal with their negativity and ignore them, or should you consistently fight them back with positivity?

The first way seems like one would be just running from problems, but the other way is so draining that it feels near impossible to contemplate your goals and wanting to feel good. What is the best method?

chris knight

28-06-2004 19:33:35

When you are constantly being met with people acting negatively, is it better to not deal with their negativity and ignore them, or should you consistently fight them back with positivity?
This reminds me of Napoleon Hill's Proximity of Wealth law that can be translated into the Proximity of Negativity law. If you are constantly around people that are negative, you may become negative - Therefore, find new friends that are positive. If you are constantly around people who are positive - you may become positive or more positive. The proximity we have to people of either a positive or negative attitude can impact our experience, regardless as to how much you have your guard up or know without a doubt the positive person you want to be.

The first way seems like one would be just running from problems, but the other way is so draining that it feels near impossible to contemplate your goals and wanting to feel good. What is the best method?
Leaving people who are negative is not really running away from a problem... D - Staying in their company when they are negative may be the problem.

Nice of you to join the discussion Breiss1981. I am grateful for your post to our little community and hope you are able to participate in the ongoing discussion. 8)

starchild

13-07-2004 09:51:49

First of all, isn't this topic similiar to the topic "The Power of Intention" about the book?

I noticed this, when trying to decide where to post something ABOUT something from the book (I am currently reading)

I decided the topic about the book is more fitting, but thought of something to add when reading this )

As to not being around negative people. Choosing to be around positive people, etc. This isn't just Wayne Dyer. This is in a lot of teachings I've noticed.

What I think of is, if I am deciding and "judging" this myself, aren't I the one deciding who is/isn't negative, etc?

So, instead of deciding/seeing someone as a negative person, and choosing to not be around them, woudln't it be more realizing I am deciding and seeing them as this AND CHANGING MY MIND ABOUT IT?

On their own, people are just people. I'm the one who gives them meaning (to me). ACIM says "I AM responsible for what I see, I choose the feelings I experience, and everything that seems to happen to me is my choice" (paraphrased from memory)

Thus, someone (on their own) isn't negative or positive, but only my choice in seeing them this way? And a clue to look inside myself and ask WHY am I seeing them this way?

Deciding someone is negative and choosing not to be around them seems kind of judgemental and seeing problems "out there".

Though, I understand I can see this and realize it's ME that's deciding and seeing it this way, and still not choose to be around them. Because of what it creates IN ME.

If this makes any sense?

If I am aligned with high, positive energy/vibrations (thoughts and feelings) would I SEE negative people? Would I be effected by them even if I did? If I was aware in some way (objectively- as Wayne puts it "Silent Observer") that someone else was choosing to be less than positive and high energy) wouldn't it be just that?

I know, it could bring me down, but also there's the point that if I'm high energy and positive, I woudl bring them UP instead?

What is this with thinking the "bad" (low energy/negative) will effect and bring down the "good" (high energy, aligning with this)? Instead of the other way around?

Maybe if I'm high energy, positive I would effect someone who wasn't in a good way? Instead of seeing it like something to shun or get away from or put out of my mind?

Instead of putting my mind and focus on MYSELF and how I am feeling, what I am aligning with, if I am in positive energy, etc? Regardless of how someone else might be- and if I am in a positive state of mind, isn't this what I'd see EVERYONE (everything) as? If I don't, it's a clue that I'm not in the highest state I could be.

Actually, in electricity it's the negative energy that does it all. It repeals the positive and creates the power.

Or so I've heard.

~ Carrie

Eykis

14-07-2004 14:03:25

Eykis

14-07-2004 14:21:59

Eykis

14-07-2004 14:22:25

FEAR! Failure!

starchild

15-07-2004 11:07:02

FEAR! Failure!

Is this supposed to help me feel better about myself and get into a more positive state of mind?

~ Carrie

Eykis

15-07-2004 20:26:13

No. It's not supposed to make you feel better. It's the answer to why there is resistance. If it's not coming from love, it's fear.

starchild

15-07-2004 22:14:47

No. It's not supposed to make you feel better

Okay, because it didnt.

But I have gotten myself into a better feeling (more positive, higher energy, or whatever) state of mind on my own.

I think most times I do look out there somewhere for answers or support when I get caught up in a vicious cycle of feeling depressed and creating from this, which gives me more to feel negative and depressed (and lacking) about.

And what I usually get back from this is being told what I'm doing wrong, or what I should/shouldnt do, etc. Usually by someone who is doing it right and has created a wonderful, abundant life to prove it. To prove how they are right and I am wrong.

I am starting to catch on about this. The answers and support arent out there.

~ Carrie

Eykis

16-07-2004 11:52:56

The answer to the problem is in the same room as the problem.

The answer is always forgiveness.

starchild

16-07-2004 12:38:53

The answer is always forgiveness.

Yes, something we can only do ourselves.

~ Carrie

neicie

18-07-2004 00:12:34

I think the resistance does come mostly from behavior patterns that do not honor our true selves. I think it is due to the "domestication" we have gone through. As human kind has developed we have lost our touch, or connection. Forgetting that the unseen is where the power lies, forgetting what power words and thoughts really do have. It's as if we have to reprogram ourselves, unlearn and replace the behavior that is holding us in place so we can continue to move forward...perhaps.

violetsite

19-07-2004 13:55:35

I believe the number one reason we don't spend much time contemplating what we want for our lives is because we are too busy. We don't spend enough time meditating; discovering for ourselves what our divine plan should be in this world.

Connecting with soul should be your highest priority in any given day. At least, that's what I believe.

Ashley

28-07-2004 04:35:15

Many times I think that due to my anger at my parents for the horribly dysfunctional home they created, I oftentimes sabatoge my attempts at creating the life I want. I know this sounds really weird, but whenever something good happened to me as I was growing up -- where my parents could be proud of me -- I almost always resented the fact that they were happy due to my achievement. I guess I never wanted to make them happy, because I was angry at them.

Now as a full grown woman I still struggle with this problem. You see, if my life was just as I wanted ít to be, then I wouldn't be able to blame them anymore and I would have no reason to be angry at them. I really need to pray about releasing the anger, because I know that it only ends up hurting me.

Does anybody else have a problem with this?

Eykis

29-07-2004 21:38:03

Many times I think that due to my anger at my parents for the horribly dysfunctional home they created, I oftentimes sabatoge my attempts at creating the life I want. I know this sounds really weird, but whenever something good happened to me as I was growing up -- where my parents could be proud of me -- I almost always resented the fact that they were happy due to my achievement. I guess I never wanted to make them happy, because I was angry at them.

Now as a full grown woman I still struggle with this problem. You see, if my life was just as I wanted ít to be, then I wouldn't be able to blame them anymore and I would have no reason to be angry at them. I really need to pray about releasing the anger, because I know that it only ends up hurting me.

Does anybody else have a problem with this?

Ashley, we ALL came from dysfunctional families. It's your judgement of your parents and being stuck in a mindset that cannot do anything but produce more of what you don't want.

Start by forgiving your parents. If they knew how to do better, they would have done better.

Then stop blaming other people for what you as an adult have full control of, your own choices.

Finally, if you want to manifest the life you want, you have to project that energy out as positive, not as a victim. Choose to be all you can be because you are a child of God and deserve it, just because of that, not because of what you perform. As humans we can never be perfect, we will make mistakes, but how we internalize those mistakes is what makes the difference. If you focus on what you didn't do, didn't get, didn't have, can't do, that's what you will manifest. If you forcus on what you can do, can achieve and can have, that's what you will manifest.

collinstar

05-08-2004 10:07:05

"I know this sounds really weird, but whenever something good happened to me as I was growing up -- where my parents could be proud of me -- I almost always resented the fact that they were happy due to my achievement. I guess I never wanted to make them happy, because I was angry at them."

I REALLY relate to this, especially "I...resented the fact that they were happy due to my achievement." My parents DID praise me, but I think I got the message, because there was so much shaming the rest of the time, and because the ONLY praise was for achievement, that #1, I am not good just by being who I am and #2, my achievements are not mine, but theirs - it's almost as if they were stealing my achievements to feel better about themselves, if that makes any sense. I have heard this referred to as "empowerment abuse" or something like that. I was a big achiever as a kid, but it never seemed to be enough.

Now it is very challenging to change my old patterns of thinking, but I am doing it. D For me, however, I had to first acknowledge that it was okay to feel angry at my parents for what they did to me...I think I felt a lot of anger as a child that I repressed. Its energy was in me waiting to me acknowledged and released. When I was first told as an adult to forgive my parents, I tried. I said that I had. But on a deeper level, I hadn't, and was unable to, because I had not yet released my old anger. Now I see -or am learning - that anger is a human emotion, but it is triggered in the present by thought. I can actually choose not to think thoughts that will generate anger. This blows my mind shock , I thought I had no control over anger and was scared of it because my parents had so much of it and directed so much of it at me in such a damaging way. Now I feel more able to forgive my parents, and myself. ) To love them, and myself. To love people I have been at enmity with. It is challenging, however, my old thought patterns are old and fairly ingrained.

But I think even at that, my old patterns are the ones today trying to tell me (through my thoughts) that because they are old and ingrained, they are immovable. And they are not. They are highly movable. Years of old thinking can be changed with weeks, or even just days of practice. Love D and peace 8) are of a higher, more powerful energy than hate, anger and fear twisted , so they replace and eliminate those lower energy thoughts must faster than it took them to take hold in me over the years of my life. wink

Ashley

09-08-2004 10:44:23

Thank you both for your responses. I really appreciate the support. I wrote my entry on a day when I was feeling REALLY down! I realize that being willing to forgive is the key to freedom, and I am taking time each day to meditate and pray about this. Sometimes, though, those old emotions just take over!

Lately, I find myself praying for my "enemies" and when I do there is such a peace that surrounds me and fills me. There really is something to that. It's like you go from a reactive place to a proactive place and take a situation or person who has been pressing your buttons, and through prayer you enoy a spiritual victory over whatever happened or was said or done that initially hurt you so much.

One more note about the idea of parents taking credit for their kids' achievements. When I was young, my mother used to often say, "I'm proud of you." And as a little kid I LOVED that! Now that I'm older, when my mother says, "I was always so proud of you" it seems somewhat dysfunctional. I know a lot of people would be thrilled to hear this from their parents, but in my case it always sounded like "You made me happy" and the feeling was always one of pressure "You should keep making me happy."

I never tell my kids I'm proud of them, because I think it sounds like whatever they did they should continue to do because it made me happy. Instead I say, "You can be really proud of yourself!" or "Good for you!" I really want to keep the focus on the fact that the great/rewarding thing they did/accomplished was done for them. I've learned that the power of words can never be underestimated.

Peace, Light and Love
Ashley

beaker

24-08-2004 19:44:12

I have two things making me resistent. A strong desire to follow God's plan, which frequently is different than mine. I don't want my desires to conflict with God's desires, even through imagination. I'm working on alligning them better, but in the meantime am resisting total contemplation of my wants.

The second thing is a logic issue. Suppose two people want the same exact thing, are equally contemplating, and equally connected (ex. a certain plot of land). That's just one example, but there are many examples of people wanting the same thing, especially if there is a limited number of them. This obviously applies more to objects, but what about dream jobs? I imagine that God will eventually redirect one of them, but it does seem a potential problem.

For all of these, I have spent so long saying "I would like this, but thy will be done", that I have trouble clearly and consistantly imagining details. There have been some things I imagined quite clearly, that almost happened, then it seemed God said "no, that is not the best choice right now". It seems better to be vague than disappointed.

Any thoughts?

Naga

24-08-2004 22:28:48

I have two things making me resistent. A strong desire to follow God's plan, which frequently is different than mine. ........
For all of these, I have spent so long saying "I would like this, but thy will be done",

You have a strong desire to follow God's plan and you want His will to be done. Then, how are you saying that His plan is different?

Be open and willing to receive what He has to offer you. I think that your approach of "I would like this, but thy will be done", is excellent. It is a way of surrendering yourself to the Higher Power. Look back and you will see good reason for some things that happened - especially where your plans were seemingly different from His.

I can give you a very good example of what happened in the recent past. We moved - my husband found a very good opportunity. I followed 15 months later leaving a very good opportunity. It took me more than a year to accept the situation. Finally I did and kept doing the best I could - I found no suitable job opportunity but got very involved with my kids and the school. It did wonders for my kids - several noteworthy accomplishments. Many women would wish to be in my shoes. Today, I look back and wonder why I was so frustrated and restless. I will not exchange what I accomplished at home for anything. Now when I look back I know why I had to move. I would never have given up the job I had if we had not moved - I enjoyed what I was doing, I liked the people I worked with, and had everything I could ask for at work. It was time for me to do what I did for the kids. I am grateful and I understand why sometimes His plans appear to be different.

beaker

27-08-2004 11:58:41

It's the seemingly conflicting messages - clearly picture what you want, or don't picture anything, just be open to what happens. If you clearly picture what you want, and something else happens, did you not picture clearly enough, or did God want this other direction for you? Is keeping the picture vague a way to protect yourself from disappointment, thus coming from a less ideal mindset?

I agree that hindsight shows wonderful blessings. When you are in the middle of discomfort, how can you tell if it is actually a blessing or the urge for change?

On a personal note, my mother ( and so much more to me) just died. I'm having a real hard time being grateful for the timing and situation I'm left in, working basically on survival. She spent a lot of time imagining improvements, and was a very connected, if destitute person. Imaging the conditions I want is similar to your job situation, Naga. You felt very disappointed when what you worked for, and sought, didn't pan out. Basically, God said "no, this is better". Your plans were different, regardless of how clearly you compemplated your intention (job). It would have been easier for you to have known at the time. How do you do that?

collinstar

27-08-2004 15:40:07

I really indentify with you, beaker, you stated perfectly the dilemma in my mind now that I am trying Dr. Dyer's wisdom. I have found that I have really ingrained negative/lack/deprivation/I-m-no-good/I-don't-deserve-good-things thinking. At times, it seems smarter than me and quite able to anticipate my moves to counter it. An example is, now that I am working on principles Dr. Dyer sets out, when something I want doesn't work out, my negative thinking attacks me "See, you didn't visualize it strongly enough. You failed!" Or, "See, Higher Power didn't give you that - even Higher Power agrees you don't deserve it!" This is scaring me, this is really insane stuff. My old, patterned, negative thinking is stealing the healthy new wisdom I am learning and turning it around, corrupting it to use as fodder against me. And I often feel like I have no control whatsoever over these thought patterns!

I have found that that phrase, "I want this, but thy will be done," is really where I need to be. I think that my truth and my Higher Power's truth will become more aligned over time the more I grow spiritually. Last night my prayer showed the somewhat confused position I find myself in "Higher Power, please manifest the things I want that are good for me. Don't let my stupid negative thinking block these things. I am working on changing my thinking, but I don't want to suffer in the meantime! However, I truly believe that no matter what, you always bring to me what I need. Thank you for that. I'm glad you're in charge, not me...I can't figure all this stuff out!" I dunno, it's the best I could do.

beaker

28-08-2004 11:39:58

Hi Collinstar, I really like that phrase -

" Last night my prayer showed the somewhat confused position I find myself in "Higher Power, please manifest the things I want that are good for me. Don't let my stupid negative thinking block these things. I am working on changing my thinking, but I don't want to suffer in the meantime! However, I truly believe that no matter what, you always bring to me what I need. Thank you for that. I'm glad you're in charge, not me...I can't figure all this stuff out!" I dunno, it's the best I could do."


I don't have the "unworthy" part, but am very concerned my ego will try to take over, which makes me very nervous whether something I'm compemplating is something God wants for me, or I want for me. I'm working on having faith that I can identify the "voices" seperately, but it's hard.

I read a story of a man who wrote down everything he wanted for his future, spouse, etc. He was very happy in life, until one day he found that note, compared it, and found his life wanting because it was different, and seemed "less". He got quite depressed until God showed him that what he had was better than what he wanted. That story always make me cautious of clearly comtemplating what I want. At the same time, I feel I'm not doing it right if I don't. sigh.

collinstar

31-08-2004 11:31:51

beaker, I like that story of the man who looked at the list...again, it requires a check in with Higher Power to get the full story. One of my many frustrations has been that I don't feel like I have a "direct line" to Higher Power, that there are all these hints and messages left for me to sift through, and I suppose my conscience or inner truth is also Higher Power speaking thorugh me somehow, I dunno. But it seems often to just be a confusing muddle rather than, "Ah-HAH! So THAT'S what Higher Power intended!" Which, of course, is what I so often want, because I want to be in charge. )

I think all this struggle for me boils down to my lovely, age-old cocktail of perfectionism and beating myself up...I feel like I have to get this intention stuff "right," but "right" in my old thinking means PERFECTLY right. But the reality is, it's probably like everything else...it's a journey, it's full of gray areas, more will always be revealed in time. In The Power of Intention lecture on PBS, Dr. Dyer says that he is always seeing himself already connected to That Which He Wants to Bring Into His Life, but if he doesn't get it, he doesn't complain - he realizes that it still worked out how it needed to. That seems like such a throw-away to me, and I'm like, "WAIT! We have to analyze this!" But if I could care a BIT less concerned about understanding all this perfectly, I bet it would work a lot better for me.

I'm a little sad, because I like Dr. Dyer's work so much, I would love to read and listen to it and just experience the healing and the transformation, without going through all these mental gymnastics. But I suppose also at a certain level, I have to go through my own process of understanding and do whatever I uniquely need to do to get there.

fractalzoom

22-09-2004 12:25:48

Deciding someone is negative and choosing not to be around them seems kind of judgemental and seeing problems "out there".

You are absolutely correct in placing the cause and the "seeing" of negativity within your own thinking. If everyone is a particle of God, then everyone is innately perfect, positive and beautiful, regardless of whether they're aware of it and actively manifesting it in their world.

I think the danger is one of "sympathetic vibrations." While it's true that the thinking of another does not have any direct effect upon me, there can also be a danger of picking up and entertaining the negative thoughts and attitudes of others and entertaining them in my own thought. Often this happens without even realizing we are doing it.

If you're at a place where you can have that awareness about others and not pick up their non-constructive thoughts and attitudes in your own thinking, that's wonderful -- it's a goal that all of us strive to attain. But I think for so many of us we're working at a level where our grasp is more tenuous and vulnerable, where we are at greater risk of undermining our own progress. I think the point here is that it just helps the odds if you surround yourself with positive forms of sympathetic vibration instead of negative.

-Michael

beaker

22-09-2004 17:08:38

The idea of distancing yourself from negative influences has come up recently for me again, too. There's a snag. What if the negative influence is a family member who you love, is in a bad place in her life, and very needy? With our mothers recent death, I am trying to fill some of her shoes with my sister, who needs a great deal of help, and can be draining. Knowing my sister's ability to alienate those around her, my mother begged me to not let her do this, and to be there for her. Any ideas how to walk the fine line of helping a loved one (possibly being the only stable influence in their life), and maintaining your own sanity and serenity?
Thanks, Beaker.

fractalzoom

22-09-2004 17:38:18

Beaker, I'd say it's much trickier when dealing with a loved one, since as you state the option of simply absenting oneself is more likely to be not an option. There's a section in "The Power Of Intention" where Dr. Dyer talkes about that very topic, how to deal with family...since I have the book on CD and not on paper, I can't go to the page to quote him directly, but in broad strokes it amounts to going to a place of love for the family member and recognizing the perfection from which they spring, while not plugging into that individual's negative thinking.

Much easier said than done, since as I like to say, "Family members can almost always hit your buttons, since they are the ones who installed them."

Cheers,
-Michael

Deanna

22-09-2004 19:03:25

In all my years of living, and in trying to direct my life, letting go and letting God works better than anything! There are so many times that I think I want this to happen and it doesn't, but the thing that did happen was far better for me. Relax and trust God, it all turns out so much better!
Deanna

kjkane47

28-10-2004 11:34:03

"What you may think of as your ordinary attributes are not a fair indication of what spiritually extraordinary attributes lies with you." Sacred Contacts )