Dr. Wayne Dyer

Dr. Wayne Dyer Fan Discussion Board
-By Fans, For Fans-

Manifesting a relationship


11-10-2006 07:59:29

Hi, I have a question about manifesting a relationship. For quite some time now, I have been trying to manifest a relationship that is the best for me and my partner (whoever that may be). I know what traits I want. I know exactly what I'm looking for.

Recently, I came into contact with a man who I've known for years. I've never known him well, just enough to say, "Hi, how you doing....." when I would periodically run into him while working. I never thought of him in a relationship type way, but I always really liked running in to him. He just always made me smile and left me with a good feeling. Kind of like, I'd see him and think, (Oh, look....there's Jon), and I'd be happy I saw him.

So, I ran into him about 6 weeks ago at a bar. I hadn't gone to a bar in probably about a year. Lately, I had an urge to go to that particular bar but never went until a friend called and invited me. So, I was standing there and happened to notice he was standing next to me (it was really crowded). We ended up talking for a few hours. Surprisingly, I found that we had some things in common and that he SEEMS to possess a LOT of the personality and physical traits that I desire in a partner. Last I knew he was married; however, a few days later I learned he is recently divorced.

So, I figure if he's the guy, it will happen. If he's not, it won't. But, my problem is that when I work on manifesting the "man for me", I now cannot get him out of my mind. I'm trying not to visualize any PARTICULAR person---just the person who is right for me and I for him. But, how do you picture something in your mind that involves another person without putting a face on that person?

I don't want to delay manifesting the right person because I'm focused on the wrong person. But, maybe I feel this pull towards him (weirdly, I've been thinking of him at different times just about every day x shock )because he's the right one? I just don't know. So, how do I continue to meditate on my desire?

Thanks and sorry this was so long.


12-10-2006 17:06:31

Meaningful relationships are the one thing we all long for, so when a possibility like this one pops up, we tend to "put all our eggs into one basket" (you keep thinking about him) and it feels like we get lost into trying to force a manifestation. Keep focusing on what you want in a relationship by 1) paying attention to those loving relationships that you see and how they treat each other (when you see them, say "yes" and knowing that it is possible and not resenting the fact that they have it and you don't), 2) loving yourself more (if you deeply love yourself, you will see your value as spirit sees your value). When you love yourself and treat yourself with value others will see it as well. It sounds conceited but tell yourself that you are a sexy, vibrant, and loving being and act that way. It will change the way you dress, the way you walk, and the way you relate to everyone. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Yes Jon could be the one and if he is he will be drawn to you as well as you to him. Get your attitude right and let "Law of Attraction" do its part.

Keep us posted. We enjoy a good love story................Karen D


13-10-2006 08:24:14

Hello! In response to your concern about focusing on one guy.....I know exactly what you mean. And, having read Karen's reply, she makes some excellen points. I, too, am totally drawn to one particular man. I have never felt at ease, connected (although we are ALL connected!) to someone in so many ways as this person. When Dr. Dyer tealks about that "knowing", that intuitive voice....well, it always comes back to him. We are friends at the present time, and I have beenm struggling with this. But, I also know that striving won't create/manifest my desires. What I am doing is keeping that picture of what I desire with this man in my mind and not allowing my ego, thoughts of doubt, worry, fear, etc. to drag me down, and most importantly, I have surrendered to God. Why struggle and act as if this is battle? It is not. As Dr. Dyer has so often said, we must know and realize that we are connected, one with God. Remember, what you want to manifest takes place in the spiritual, not the physical realm. You have to trust in your oneness with God and KNOW that what you wish to manifest will ocurr. I must admit that surrndering is one of the hardest things for me to do. I am still so inclined (as many of us have been taught) to strive, work, fight, whatever for that which we so strongly desire. It is simply not necessary to make it a struggle. Follow your intuitive voice-as Dr. Dyer has said, it is God talking to you. Keep that vision alive in your mind, and surrender.

As what Karen said about loving yourself-she is so correct! Be the love that you want to attract. This includes feeling sexy, confident and caring about YOU! Guys are attracted to women who are confident. Say it to yourself everyday, even if at first you do not believe it....YOU WILL! Also, keep in my mind how you treat others, again-be the love you want to attract. I know that loved ones, friends, others can be trying....I just remind myself that they are who they are aand I cannot change that. I love them as is-it's easier and less stressful.

Best Wishes!!!! Keep us posted...... )


13-10-2006 13:17:04

Thanks for the replies and advice. I really appreciate them. I just found this web site on the day I posted. I wasn't certain how often posts even get answered, so your replies really brightened my day today.

Jolek If you keep a vision in your mind of what you'd like to have with this man, is that using your ego and not surrendering to God? I keep reading that we should visualize exactly what we want, but then I read to not put conditions on what we want. So, I thought that by putting a "face" on the relationship that I want would be putting conditions on it? I struggle with this concept.

Karen Thank you for your advice. You make a lot of sense. When I meditate, I tell myself exactly what traits "my man" will have. I also tell myself exactly what traits I have (self affirmations). I just have trouble when I try visualizing me with the man because it's hard to make a mental picture involving someone without me seeing a specific face/body, etc.

I really believe in the self affirmations. And you're right. I do dress differently and relate differently. In fact, I had 3 or 4 people ask me last week if I had changed my hair or something! I hadn't changed anything other that really trying to feel positive about myself and trying to radiate love and good will towards others. I find it sometimes takes a lot of energy though. It's hard when I'm feeling down or frustrated to consistantly lift myself back up.


13-10-2006 14:03:59

You're definately on the right track (noted by the fact that people sense a change, hairdo) and it does take more work but with time it will become a habit. Just remember to keep appreciating and loving yourself!! And when you see someone in a good relationship, say "yes" and appreciate that as well. Don't worry about putting a face on the person,just get the feeling of the love and appreciation in the relationship. Remember "thoughts become things." Avoid negative self tallk at all costs. Keep telling yourself how "sexy, attractive, vibrant" you are and how loving, thoughtful, and appreciative men are attracted to you. Your subconscious does not know the difference between what is real and what you are speaking as being real. So you begin to become what you speak of.

We're just a work in progress, but look at when we get it right!! D


16-10-2006 06:32:30

Thanks for your reply. You make a good point and something I struggle with....About keeping the vision AND surrending. This confused me as well. I am just finishing reading "Real Magic" and Dr. Dyer states in this book that we should visualize AND live in our physical world exactly what we want to manifest. he gives a great example of a mother and her estranged daugter who reunited after 6 years of not speaking. The mother meditated, visialized and lived as though her dreams (being close to her daughter again) were already a reality. So, I feel that the ego is not pushing me towards this man that I feel so trongly towards. I am working at doing exactly what this woman and Dr. Dyer emphasize in "Real Magic". Now, here's my take on surrendering You know what you wish to manifest....Keep that vision (with the face or whatever it is that you desire and see yourself as doing/being) and let God, with whom we are all connected and is a part of us at all times, take care of the "how" part. Surrendering is letting go of the struggle, the negative, self-doubting thoughts, the worry and the anxiety. Keep that vision, live for today and let God take care of the rest. I feel many of us (myself included) find it hard to surrender because we place that one condition on the outcome-this being time. I am following my intuitive voice, that feeling of knowing that I cannot explain in words. I just know this man is special to me, in many ways. For me to have to explain it further is very difficult, as the words allude me....But the feelings are real.

So, windsbo, keep that vision, live as if, live in the moment and surrender-know that God will take care of the "how"....You just focus and live!

Best wishes!


18-10-2006 16:13:24

Jolek, here's what I've been thinking lately. I find it very confusing that many examples are given of relationships improving like the mother and daughter that you wrote about. But, then I read the stuff about not focusing on manifesting a relationship with one specific person because there is free will involved. Well, there's always free will involved when dealing with another living being, yes? So, what is the difference when trying to manifest an improvement in a relationship that has already been established (mother/daughter, husband/wife, etc.) or when trying to manifest a relationship with a specific person that has not yet been established? Both involve other people who may or may not have the same desires as the other person involved. Yet, there seem to be lot's of examples of people manifesting desires involving people who already have established relationships, but then warnings not to try to manifest an initial relationship with someone because they have free will. (Who would want to manifest a relationship with someone against their free will anyway?)

Blah....hope that made sense. So, I've been trying to manifest my "perfect man" without focusing specifically on Jon. But, when his face creeps into my vision, I don't worry about it. I just tell myself if he's the one it will happen, and if not, it will still happen with the right one. If it happens with some other "right one" it won't matter. I'll still be happy because no matter who the "right one" is they WILL be the right one. So, when I get worried that I'm wasting my time when Jon pops into my vision, I just try re-assure myself that the right one is there whether he's Jon or not. Hmmmm.....when I write that it feels as if I think in circles. wink


19-10-2006 06:48:22

I just read your reply....First, just relax. You sound a lot like me at times, overanlyzing the situation. Secondly, remeber that if we can talk to God, why do many of us see it as absurd that God should talk to us??? I strongly feel that your feelings/thoughts about Jon may be your intuition, God's way of talking to you. If that feels right, then follow it. Look, I too have read all the stuff about manifesting and focusing as well as not forcing an outcome. I told you how I interpret surrender and outcome in my last response. Go with what you FEEL is right for you. If his face and his essence come into your mind and you feel good about that, follow it. I feel you are shutting off your allowing channel by doing otherwise. I recommend STRONGLY that you read "Ask and it is Given" by Esther & Jerry Hicks. Dr. Dyer wrote the forward and really believes in their writings. You sound overwhelmed....I can relate! Just take it slowly, read this book and see the possibilities of it all. ANYTHING is possible....We create the life we so desire.

Peace and love,


23-10-2006 07:32:07

Hi, Jolek. I took your advice and went out and picked up the book you suggested. I only had a chance to read a few pages last night and am looking forward to reading more tonight.


04-11-2006 17:16:04

Jolek Okay, I just finished the book. I found it VERY interesting. I really like the way it gives actual methods for improving your feelings. I've been busy trying to put them into practice!