Dr. Wayne Dyer

Dr. Wayne Dyer Fan Discussion Board
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Hi --I'm here because I need help.

Wish

05-10-2004 15:43:16

Hello;
I'm here because I need help.

I have been on a path (and off) of self awareness and healing all of my life, whether I new it or not. However, I became aware that my greatest life's purpose is to be "light, love, beauty, Helper/healer/teacher and in all consciousness an all around wonderful human being.

Since this awareness came about, more and challenges have shown up in my face. Today I'd like to think I'm dealing with the challenges better. Like not getting dragged completely into the negativity of them. (note I like to think considering that I came from a family and life of being rape, beaten, both physically, emotionally and spiritually, that I have done a lot of healing and I am a beautiful being.)

I am not religious. I am spiritual for a lack of a better word. I am of Aboriginal decent which has given me the Great Big Source, Earth Mother, Greatgrandfather Sky and Sun, My Ancestors and Universal or even Multiversal Energy to draw on for guidance and help.

Quite often I am not patient enough to wait for that help to come. Especially in the face of consistant negativity.

I am grateful to have this forum to come to.

About a year ago I recorded Wayne Dyer.
I watched it over and over again the the last couple of weeks.

In my next posting I will post what I am going through and hopefully there will be something that can help me.

Thankyou kindly
Wish

Wish

05-10-2004 16:00:34

I have been in transition for the last couple of years but more seriously since this spring. I lost my home. And the 2nd year of my Practioner setup as a Massage Practioner. I bounced around from one place for a couple of months and then to here where I've been for a few months of hell.

My life has been on hold. The situation is my friend says he feels a moral obligation to help me when I'm in need because I saved his life no matter what.
I needed a roof and storage etc.... here I am. His parents bought a place for him after I guided and convince him would be good for him to take on.

We have a rock n' roll band together and are in another so far on the shelf venture. His recording studio is his home and studio and at this time my crash pad.

Since I so called saved his life I have done everything in my power to help him (way before I was in need) to get on a positve, right way thinking, healing path. He has been going in and out with what I've shared with him. He has a lot of anger in him and it gets directed my way. He yells at me at volumes that are scary. In his anger he says things unimaginable (I know he doens't mean them, but they damage my spirit),
Things like, once a few days ago he screamed out I'm going to kill your children.
Ok, today,,,I asked Myk if he wants help and have asked this other times and he said yes. Today he said, not if it's this much work. I said, Doyou want to be a loving, beautiful human being. He said, (I asked him to write it down) "Popular opinion has showen me that I am the polar opposite of the above goal. When I thought it was at least a possible attainment for me then in the ensuing excitement I wanted to go on, but now I don't.

chris knight

05-10-2004 20:07:40

Quite often I am not patient enough to wait for that help to come. Especially in the face of consistant negativity.
Wish

Hi Wish and welcome to the discussion. Glad you found us.

A bunch of thoughts came to mind as I read your post and I thought I'd share them with you because they are universal thoughts that have helped me also.

1) You are not your environment or circumstances. Seems like you already know this because of your self-love and acceptance of your perfection. 8)

2) Negativity in the form of negative self-talk is extremely expensive in financial, health and emotional concerns... if not in all modalities. While you can not control others, you must reject the payoff you get for talking negatively with yourself.

3) I couldn't help but to think you had fit the profile of the typical person who takes care of everyone else's needs but neglects her own. It's a typical profile of most folks in the massage/healer practices. It's a paradox because you can't give away what you do not have which means at some point, you must give to yourself in order to continue giving to others. Please don't take this as a judgement of your situation as I'm making a blanket statement of what I've seen to be true from the 2 dozen massage therapists I've known.

When I read your comments

He has a lot of anger in him and it gets directed my way. He yells at me at volumes that are scary. In his anger he says things unimaginable (I know he doens't mean them, but they damage my spirit),
Things like, once a few days ago he screamed out I'm going to kill your children.

Further thoughts

1) Nothing can damage your spirit unless you allow it, but you already know this. 8)

2) You need to plot and plan your way out of this situation. It can not be allowed to continue and it is up to you to maneuver your way out. Anyone who makes any life threatening statement towards you or your children is a deal breaker. Let someone else save him.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

gypsyjaye

05-10-2004 21:05:52

Hi, Wish and welcome! May many beautiful blessings come to rest around you.

I read your story and was amazed at what a strong and beautiful spirit you are. You are going through a difficult and chaotic time right now. Please take really good care of yourself, even if it's for a few minutes each day. Devote a special time just for you. Your message really sounds like you need it. You've given and given and sometimes we need to recharge our batteries in order to be able to see with clarity what the Universe is trying to tell us. Maybe it's time to take a few deep breaths and let the Universe show you the direction you need to take.

Now, I going out on a limb here....but I feel the need to comment about your friend. Have you been able to talk to him about getting professional help? In making a general observation, I would say he may benefit from getting an evaluation. The depth of the anger and negative words that he used in relation to how he sees himself appear to have a manic-depressive sound to them. I would strongly urge you to try to get him to seek professional help. Yes, we do have control over our thoughts and how we react, but sometimes a human being can lose so much of themselves that it takes someone who is a professional to help them balance their life back out.

I totally agree with Chris that his threatening you or your children is a deal breaker. Please consider getting yourself out of this type of negative situation as soon as possible. After all, "your right to swing your fist stops at my right to keep my nose unbroken".

With love,
Namaste ~
Jaye

Wish

08-10-2004 16:17:22

First I want to say I am gratefully thankful for your responses folks.
Tears come to my eyes and heart when there is someone out there who sends me such beautiful love and words. (I'm crying and touched as I type)

My band did a show (our debut close to home). It went well considering the venue sound system was really bad. They wouldn't let us bring our own equipment. I saw a few people I hadn't seen in a few years who were not very kind to me. I gave two of them a hug and the other made a point of being statue like and I couldn't bring myself to say hi. They just stood there when I hugged them and that was ok with me. However, at the end of the night and packing out equipment, my guitar player went in to get paid. We found out statue lady was managing the venue.The statue lady paid him and told him very sternly (she is about 30ish) "I never would of hired you guys if I'd known Wish was in the band". She said it was between Wish and I. (8 or so years ago) with some elaboration in front of a bunch of people who didn't even know me and were dancing and loved our music but some of them worked for her.
My guitar player came out and shared this information with me. I couldn't figure out what it was between her and me. I felt sad for her.
Back 8 or so years ago I got brave enough (or stupid) to take a venue owner to court for sexual harrassment (she and other employees worked for him) and testified against me. (I had a weekly show there) I found out they would be paid with gifts to Mexico, pay raises etc... and or loose their jobs. I won the case after 2 years of being shunned and treated like I was the one on trial (and this was done by people who used to be friendly towards me. So that is the only thing I can think about that would be between her and I.
So I tried not to let her comments affect me. But I have been so vulnerable and sensitive lately. (what am I saying I've been vulnerable and sensitive most of my life) Suffices to say, I thought too much about it and let it get to me and began to cry.
I started to think of how my life has been. From early, early childhood I've been beaten, raped, gang banged, beaten some more, physically, with words, fists, sticks, belts and almost killed by an exboyfriend 9 years ago. Just last year an police attacked me and left bruises on my arms and wrists and my psyche. (gooood greeeiiiiif)

I have been beaten down too many times and gotten back up to work on being a better, more loving, giving, and caring person too many times. (This has literally been going on all my life except for the few temporary moments of beauty I get to experience) Everytime I feel like I've arrived and things are smoothing out in my life finally, WHAM!. Something else happens to upset the balance and beauty and love I am trying to surround myself with and create for me, my adult children and anyone that comes in contact with me. Yes, I screw up a lot to, but I know where my intentions and goals of my heart are at.
I use to say I can't take it anymore, now I say I don't want to it anymore.
I don't want to be beaten anymore verbally, physically or psychologically.
Last night I went to bed and thought "I don't want to wake up".
Today, well, I'm writing you all. Then I have some mango, later I have some miso broth. Then I look in the mirror at my sad solemn face, my eyes swollen from tears, I force a big grin maybe even a smile, maybe that it's fake and last just a little while, but I'm trying. Yet again I say to myself "NO MORE, my life from here on in is going exactly the way I want it to, which is the way of love, beauty, wealth, caring, giving, joy".
What am I leaving out.

So today my heart and head are feeling heavy. I know once again I'll come out of it and get back on my horse and ride with the sun shining on me.
And again, I say, enough is enough, I don't want anymore of these kinds of lessons or whatever they are. I want love to be.

I do apologize for rambling, whining, and writing such a long post.
I don't have anyone else to talk to that has been kind.
I'm not looking for sympathy or having a pity party. I just need to be around positive, loving human beings and healing energy. It seems to be a hard thing to find around here.

Thank you everyone who take the time to read the ramblings of my heart and thoughts at this time

Love from Me

Deanna

09-10-2004 20:10:17

First I want to say I am gratefully thankful for your responses folks.
Tears come to my eyes and heart when there is someone out there who sends me such beautiful love and words. (I'm crying and touched as I type)

My band did a show (our debut close to home). It went well considering the venue sound system was really bad. They wouldn't let us bring our own equipment. I saw a few people I hadn't seen in a few years who were not very kind to me. I gave two of them a hug and the other made a point of being statue like and I couldn't bring myself to say hi. They just stood there when I hugged them and that was ok with me. However, at the end of the night and packing out equipment, my guitar player went in to get paid. We found out statue lady was managing the venue.The statue lady paid him and told him very sternly (she is about 30ish) "I never would of hired you guys if I'd known Wish was in the band". She said it was between Wish and I. (8 or so years ago) with some elaboration in front of a bunch of people who didn't even know me and were dancing and loved our music but some of them worked for her.
My guitar player came out and shared this information with me. I couldn't figure out what it was between her and me. I felt sad for her.
Back 8 or so years ago I got brave enough (or stupid) to take a venue owner to court for sexual harrassment (she and other employees worked for him) and testified against me. (I had a weekly show there) I found out they would be paid with gifts to Mexico, pay raises etc... and or loose their jobs. I won the case after 2 years of being shunned and treated like I was the one on trial (and this was done by people who used to be friendly towards me. So that is the only thing I can think about that would be between her and I.
So I tried not to let her comments affect me. But I have been so vulnerable and sensitive lately. (what am I saying I've been vulnerable and sensitive most of my life) Suffices to say, I thought too much about it and let it get to me and began to cry.
I started to think of how my life has been. From early, early childhood I've been beaten, raped, gang banged, beaten some more, physically, with words, fists, sticks, belts and almost killed by an exboyfriend 9 years ago. Just last year an police attacked me and left bruises on my arms and wrists and my psyche. (gooood greeeiiiiif)

I have been beaten down too many times and gotten back up to work on being a better, more loving, giving, and caring person too many times. (This has literally been going on all my life except for the few temporary moments of beauty I get to experience) Everytime I feel like I've arrived and things are smoothing out in my life finally, WHAM!. Something else happens to upset the balance and beauty and love I am trying to surround myself with and create for me, my adult children and anyone that comes in contact with me. Yes, I screw up a lot to, but I know where my intentions and goals of my heart are at.
I use to say I can't take it anymore, now I say I don't want to it anymore.
I don't want to be beaten anymore verbally, physically or psychologically.
Last night I went to bed and thought "I don't want to wake up".
Today, well, I'm writing you all. Then I have some mango, later I have some miso broth. Then I look in the mirror at my sad solemn face, my eyes swollen from tears, I force a big grin maybe even a smile, maybe that it's fake and last just a little while, but I'm trying. Yet again I say to myself "NO MORE, my life from here on in is going exactly the way I want it to, which is the way of love, beauty, wealth, caring, giving, joy".
What am I leaving out.

So today my heart and head are feeling heavy. I know once again I'll come out of it and get back on my horse and ride with the sun shining on me.
And again, I say, enough is enough, I don't want anymore of these kinds of lessons or whatever they are. I want love to be.

I do apologize for rambling, whining, and writing such a long post.
I don't have anyone else to talk to that has been kind.
I'm not looking for sympathy or having a pity party. I just need to be around positive, loving human beings and healing energy. It seems to be a hard thing to find around here.

Thank you everyone who take the time to read the ramblings of my heart and thoughts at this time

Love from Me
My heart goes out to you, as you love yourself more of these kinds of things will go out of your life. You are a beautiful spiritual being! So many times you are treated the way you treat yourself and many times when you first enter the world of spirituality, a lot of bad stuff seems to come your way, it is just getting out of there. As you love and respect yourself, all that doesn't match those feelings will leave your life. Remember, "All there is, is God, and God is all there is". This God spirit can only work through you. The sweeter and more loving your thoughts and words, this is what will become your life.
Hang in there!!!!
This too shall pass! On a moment to moment basis, repeat this, it will help get you to the other side!
Love and healing to you!
Deanna